Thank you for going on this journey with me!
I have been so excited for this new blog. So excited in fact, that my awesome extrathinking brain has been in decision paralysis mode for over a month trying to decide on the topic for the first post. There has been been no shortage of ideas, but the one that presented itself this weekend touches my heart the most, making it the winner!
Fast version:
Each year we sponsor at least one Salvation Army Angel at Christmastime in honor of my daughter who passed away as an infant.
Not fast version / full story:
My precious daughter, and firstborn, was born in the year 2000 with a variety of health challenges. She passed away at home at the tender age of 12 days, and left a huge impact on all those who were fortunate enough to be around her during her short stay. Many people remarked that she seemed to have a glow, and the intense calming effect she had would draw people in. To hold her was to hold a real life angel who seemed to have brought a touch of heaven with her to this world. Being her mom is a most humble honor.
After my angel passed away, I was left especially sad and confused around Christmastime. While out shopping, I would find myself walking up and down the toy aisles looking at toys that I might be purchasing for her based on the age she would have been at that given time. I would also look at clothes to try and see how big she would be and observe what the current styles were. I would inevitably leave the store feeling emotionally drained and heavyhearted. It just didn’t feel right to be a mom who celebrates Christmas, but not be buying gifts for my child for Christmas.
After a couple of years, my mom and I saw the Salvation Army Angel Trees at the mall. The Salvation Army website describes the program as one that, “…provides new clothing and toys to more than one-million children in need each year. Once a child is accepted as an Angel, donors like you can shop for their Christmas wish list.”
My mom and I found an Angel tag for a girl who was the age my daughter would have been that year. We both contributed towards purchasing the items the Angel wished for and my usual tears of heartache turned to tears of gratitude and joy. What better way to show love to my angel than to sponsor a living Christmas Angel in her honor!
This is my all-time favorite Christmas tradition. The details have varied each year, but the basics have remained the same and we haven’t missed a year since we first started 20ish years ago. Some years finances have been very meager and several family members have contributed toward one Angel. Other years have been more prosperous and we were fortunate enough to sponsor multiple Angels and go all out. We save money out of each paycheck throughout the year to go towards this tradition. Multiple years have included finding an Angel tag with my late sister’s (who passed a couple of weeks before my daughter) or my daughter’s first or middle names! (cue the ugly crying every time that happens!!!)
My angel would be 23 years old now. The Christmas Angel program goes up to age 17, so now we pick any age and we do a mix of girls and boys. My husband and living children love this tradition and really get into it, even though they sadly did not get the chance to meet our angel while she was physically here.
I went many years without talking much about my precious daughter or our Christmas Angel tradition. For a long time I was in denial and didn’t properly process everything. Sometimes I was too sad. Other times I was worried I would make someone feel uncomfortable, or that I would be judged and they would think I should just ‘get over it’. As the years have gone by, loved ones and acquaintances around me have also experienced child loss, so I tried to have courage and started sharing the tradition since it has brought such miraculous healing and peace to my shattered heart. The grief is still there, it just feels like there’s more of a purpose to it all now. The circle of life, if you will. I have been touched to learn that some of these families have incorporated the Christmas Angel tradition as well and have experienced healing through the process.
Here are the details of the program, in case you would like to participate. Donations are typically tax deductible since The Salvation Army is a charitable organization. You can find the Salvation Army Angel Trees at participating malls, Walmarts, and other retailers.
– Take the tag of an Angel or Angels you would like to sponsor.
– Make sure to look at the back for clothing sizes.
– Pay attention to the date the gifts are due by.
The date varies each year and by location. In my experience, the program typically starts around the 3rd week of November and goes through mid-December.
– Purchase the gifts.
– Return the gifts (unwrapped) along with the tag to the same place you took the tag from, or drop them off at a local Salvation Army collection center.
– Hang your part of the Angel tag on your Christmas tree at home if you would like. I love to look at it on Christmas morning and imagine the Angel and my angel smiling.
You can also visit www.salvationarmyusa.org to donate online or find Walmart lists to purchase directly from their site. They also accept bulk gifts as well as general gifts to go toward their Forgotten Angel program for Angels whose tags did not get sponsored.
If you have been impacted by loss of any kind, my heart deeply goes out to you. I know this season, while merry, can also be quite painful and an overall mix of emotions. I pray for your peace and comfort.
If you have read this far – thank you, that is no small feat! This blog is not as polished as I hoped it would be by the time I did my first post, so I hope you come back to visit later after I have things looking better. I didn’t want to delay this particular post due to the time sensitivity if anyone reading this wants to sponsor an Angel.
Happy Holidays!
Quotes:
“Sometimes we heal in public so the ones doing it in private can keep going.”
-Anonymous
“The original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language – it’s from the Latin word cor, meaning heart – and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.”
– BrenĂ© Brown